How to manage grief and find support
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Grief is how we carry love for someone who has gone. It doesn't follow rules. Some days it's heavy and loud. Other days it's quiet, and then it catches you off guard in the supermarket. All of this is normal.
What can grief feel like?
Grief shows up in the mind and the body. You might notice:
- Sadness, or feeling numb and empty
- Sleeping badly, or sleeping a lot
- Not feeling hungry, or eating more than usual
- Forgetting things and finding it hard to focus
- Anger, at the situation, at others, or at yourself
- Guilt about things you did or didn't say
- Relief, especially after a long illness
- Aches, tiredness or a heavy feeling in your chest
You're not doing grief wrong. There isn't a wrong way.
Does grief get better?
It usually changes over time. Many people find grief comes in waves. A good week can be followed by a hard day. That doesn't mean you're going backwards.
Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries can bring strong feelings back. It can help to plan these days ahead and tell the people around you what you need.
Grieving someone who died by suicide
Losing someone to suicide brings its own kind of pain. Many people feel shock, confusion, anger, or questions that may never have answers. Some people feel a heavy sense of guilt. These feelings are common, and they are not a sign that you failed your person.
You deserve support made for this kind of loss:
- StandBy Support After Suicide: 1300 727 247
- Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 (24 hours)
- Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24 hours)
If you're having thoughts of ending your own life, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000 if you're in danger now. You don't have to carry this alone.
When should I reach out for more help?
Talk to your GP or a counsellor if:
- The heavy feelings aren't easing after many weeks
- You can't work, eat, or look after yourself or others
- You're using alcohol or other drugs to get through
- You feel completely alone
- You have thoughts of harming yourself
Asking for help is a strong and sensible thing to do.
Free support in Australia
- Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24 hours)
- Griefline: 1300 845 745
- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
- 13YARN (for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people): 13 92 76
- MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78
- Kids Helpline (ages 5 to 25): 1800 55 1800
- Red Nose Grief and Loss (pregnancy, baby and child loss): 1300 308 307
- In an emergency, call 000
How do I help children with grief?
- Use clear, honest words like "died".
- Answer the questions they ask, simply and truthfully.
- Keep everyday routines where you can.
- It's okay for them to see you sad. It shows them that sadness is part of love.
- Let their school know so teachers can support them.
Small ways to look after yourself
Grief is tiring. Try to:
- Drink water through the day.
- Eat something small and regular, even if you're not hungry.
- Get outside or move gently for a few minutes each day.
Can I get counselling through Medicare?
Yes. Your GP can talk to you about a Mental Health Treatment Plan. Under the plan, Medicare helps pay for a number of sessions with a psychologist or counsellor each year.
Common questions
There's no set time. For most people the sharpest pain softens, and the love stays.
No. Relief is common when someone's suffering has ended. It doesn't mean you loved them any less.
Show up, and offer something specific, like "I'm dropping off dinner on Tuesday." Use their person's name. Keep checking in after the funeral, when the visits tend to stop.
Written by Marlene Israel. Last reviewed .
This article is general information. It isn't medical advice. If you're struggling, please reach out to a GP or one of the support lines above.
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