A gentle checklist for losing a pet

Ask how your pet might feel, what signs to watch for and what pain relief can help. It's worth writing your questions down before each visit.

Palliative (comfort) care at home is available in some areas. Ask your vet whether it's an option for your pet.

Let close family know what's happening. Agreeing early on how you'll make decisions together means no one feels left out.

Each day, jot down how your pet is going with pain, eating, drinking, cleanliness, happiness and getting around. Some families use the HHHHHMM quality-of-life scale by vet Dr Alice Villalobos. It's a way to start a conversation with your vet, not a test.

There's rarely one 'right' day. Your vet can help you weigh how your pet is doing now and what's ahead. You don't have to decide alone or on the spot.

Sometimes things change sooner than expected. Save your vet's number and your nearest emergency vet's number in your phone, and talk through what you'd want if it happens out of hours.

You can usually choose the clinic or, in many areas, a vet who comes to your home. Home visits generally cost more. At the clinic, ask about a quiet room, a side entrance or an end-of-day appointment.

Ask about a sedative first, and what you might see afterwards. Your pet's eyes may stay open, and you might see a twitch or something like a last breath. These are normal reflexes, and your pet isn't aware of them or in pain.

Some people want to stay with their pet, and some say goodbye beforehand. Both are okay. Ask your vet whether your other pets can be there too.

Use clear, gentle words like 'died' and 'death'. Phrases like 'put to sleep' or 'went away' can confuse or frighten children. Let them choose how involved they'd like to be, including whether they're there.

Most crematoriums offer a shared (communal) cremation, where ashes aren't returned, and an individual cremation, where your pet's ashes come home to you. Your vet can arrange it, or you can contact a pet crematorium directly. Deciding now means one less thing to think about on the day.

Rules differ between councils, so check with your local council first. Only bury on land you own or with the owner's permission, and if you rent, ask your landlord and check any strata or body corporate by-laws. If your pet is euthanised, the medicine stays in their body, so they'll need to be buried deep enough that wildlife and other pets can't reach them.

It can help to settle the bill and choose aftercare before the day. That way, the day itself can be just for goodbyes.

Many pet crematoriums will collect your pet from your home or your vet. Ask how long ashes usually take to come back. It's often within one to two weeks.

Cover for end-of-life vet costs, euthanasia or cremation varies between insurers and policies. Your PDS has the details, or you can call your insurer.

Take photos and videos of everyday moments, with the family in them too. Do a few things your pet loves, like time in the sun or a favourite walk. Check with your vet before offering special food or treats.

Many vets and cremation providers offer a paw print or a clipping of fur, sometimes at no cost. You can also make a paw print at home while your pet is still with you.

Jot down their funny habits, favourite spots and the little things you never want to forget. These notes are a lovely start for a eulogy or memorial later. Children might like to draw a picture or write a letter.

Grief often begins before your pet dies. Feeling sad, numb or even relieved at times is normal.

Ask a friend or family member to be with you, and clear your calendar for the day after if you can. Keep support numbers handy: Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, any time, day or night, or SANE Australia (which now runs Griefline) on 1800 187 263, weekdays except public holidays, 10am to 8pm AEST/AEDT, to find grief support.

There's no rush to decide. Many vets can look after your pet for a short time while you think about burial or cremation. Let the clinic know what you'd like before anything is arranged, and ask whether a cremation would be shared or individual. You can also bring your pet home if you'd like.

If you're not certain your pet has died, call your vet or an emergency vet straight away. They can tell you what to do next.

Once you're sure, there's no rush to say goodbye. Rest your pet on a towel or old blanket in the coolest spot, out of the sun, and gently settle them into a curled, comfortable position early on. Wear gloves if they were unwell. Some families let their other pets see or sniff their companion before collection, which may help them understand. If your pet was unwell with something that could spread, or you think they were poisoned, keep your other pets away and ask your vet first.

Your pet's eyes may stay open, and they may lose control of their bladder or bowels. You might see a twitch or something like a last breath. These are normal reflexes, and your pet isn't aware of them or in pain.

If you'd like your vet to look into why your pet died (a post-mortem), call them before you arrange collection or cremation. Keep your pet cool, but don't freeze them.

Arrange collection or drop-off, ideally within about a day, or sooner in hot weather. If it'll be longer, ask about keeping your pet chilled. If your pet died suddenly, tell your vet, especially if your other pets could have been exposed to the same thing.

It's easy to forget and hard to do later, so think about it before your pet is collected. You can do it yourself, or ask your vet or cremation provider, as many offer it.

In a shared (communal) cremation, ashes aren't returned. In an individual cremation, your pet's ashes come home to you, so ask whether your pet will be cremated on their own. Ashes are often returned within one to two weeks.

Many families bury their pet at home, but the rules differ between councils, so check with your council first. Only bury on land you own or with the owner's permission, and if you rent, ask your landlord and check any strata or body corporate by-laws. For a horse or other large animal, talk to your council or your state agriculture department first.

Bury your pet deep enough that other animals can't reach them. Around one metre is commonly recommended, away from water, veggie patches, pipes and cables, but your council may set its own minimum. If your pet was euthanised, the medicine stays in their body and can harm wildlife or other pets, so depth really matters.

In many places this is required. Some councils ask to be told straight away and others allow up to 28 days, so check with your local council soon (in the ACT, contact Access Canberra on 13 22 81). In NSW, you can update the NSW Pet Registry yourself, or your council can do it for you. It also stops renewal reminders arriving.

Tell the people who loved your pet too, like pet sitters, walkers and groomers. When you're ready, a short passing announcement can help you share the news gently.

A few words at home, in the garden or at the beach can help everyone say goodbye, including children. Keep their collar, tag or a favourite toy if you'd like something to hold onto.

Let your pet's microchip registry know they have died, as telling your vet or council doesn't always update it. Your vet can scan the chip, and petaddress.com.au can find which private registry holds the number. In NSW and SA, records sit with the state pet registry.

Ask whether final vet, euthanasia or cremation costs can be claimed, and how cancelling works under your policy. Your PDS has the details.

Think food deliveries, flea and worming subscriptions, grooming, daycare, walkers and vet reminders. Unopened food, bedding and toys can often go to a local rescue group or shelter, so call ahead to check what they need.

Your local pharmacy can take unused pet medicines through the free Return Unwanted Medicines (RUM) Project, or you can ask your vet. Don't flush them or put them in the bin. Needles and syringes go in a sharps container to an approved drop-off point.

A free online memorial is a place to gather photos and stories and share them with others who loved your pet. There's no right time, so come back to it whenever it feels right.

Use clear words like 'died' and 'dead', not 'put to sleep' or 'went away', which can confuse or frighten kids. Younger children may not understand that death is permanent, so answer their questions, even the same ones again. Drawing, writing a letter or planting something can help them remember.

Your other pets may seem unsettled, eat less or search for their friend, so keep meals and walks on the same routine. If changes last, check in with your vet, as they can sometimes signal illness.

Feeling sad, numb or even relieved is normal after losing a pet. SANE Australia, which now runs Griefline, can help you find grief support on 1800 187 263, weekdays except public holidays, 10am to 8pm AEST/AEDT. If it feels like too much, call Lifeline on 13 11 14, any time, day or night.